Well, tomorrow is my 48th birthday!
This past week, I have been reflecting on my 38th birthday, when I went to see a psychic. She delivered the devastating news I would soon be divorced. She also told me my aura was gray and I was close to death.
She was right.
Six months later, I was admitted to a psychiatric unit on suicide watch. A few weeks later, I began divorce proceedings. I was also ousted from the business I co-created.
This might all seem horrible, and in the moment, it was. But it was also a new beginning.
In the weeks that followed, I met Neem Karoli Baba in a meditation. I found bhakti yoga and my ashram and a spiritual community. I met Mother Ayahuasca.
And on my 39th birthday, I found myself in California with my new boyfriend (now my bestie) planning to leave my entire life behind and go to India.
In the last ten years, I have humbly (and sometimes not-so-humbly) walked this sacred Earth as a soul-seeker. I have sometimes stumbled and sometimes sailed.
And though I still take time out for Netflix binges, I have dedicated my life to the path of knowing God, to Remembering who I am, and to Learning how to embody that.
When I look back, I can’t believe how much I’ve changed. How much I’ve learned. How much I’ve loved. How much I’ve grown.
How much I’ve done!
If you would have asked me ten years ago what I would like to be doing ten years from then, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you about what I have done or what I do now, because I didn’t even know it existed or was possible.
Such is the grace of the guru, of sadhana, and the sacred plant and animal teachers.
Such is the grace of letting go and learning how to just be, to just allow, and to trust and surrender.
So here I am… a little more humble, a little bit wiser, a little more grounded, a lot more grateful… and a little bit closer to the infinite Source and Love that I Am.
I can’t wait for what the next ten years will bring.
I’d like to finally publish my book. To write my next book. To record an album. To spend more time in the jungle. To stay still more.
To Love more. To Serve more. To Remember more.
And to Know my Self more.
And beyond that, I choose to open myself up to the possibilities that I don’t even know exist yet, with full trust and knowing that It Will Be Amazing.
So much love to all of you who have witnessed my journey. I am in awe and wonder of you, and so eternally grateful for your love, your forgiveness, your support, and your understanding.
Jai Maa.
Photo: Taken (on the first try!) by my beloved, Kevin, at Tabacon Hot Springs, CR. Posted on Nov 6, to IG and FB.
